I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm always down for nudity.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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