She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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