i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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