I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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