also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
