My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just high enough for therapy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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