i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
