Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
