my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
