I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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