just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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