I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
