Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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