Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
