im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
