I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize