i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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