i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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