Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Barsexuality is the new black.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
