I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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