So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
