the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize