Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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