i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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