Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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