Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Boobs speak an international language.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
