Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
