I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Someone shit on the floor
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
