Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
