I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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