youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
