with your own penis?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
