She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hippo gnu deer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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