Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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