so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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