This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
