I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
