after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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