So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize