A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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