fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize