I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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