dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
