it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
