bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
