Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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