Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
