Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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