I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize