I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize