TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
