I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
