Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize