Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize