I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
