Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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