girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
