so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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