There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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