they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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