i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
