i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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