I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize