Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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