Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
my poor anus
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
