He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
