Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
