the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
