I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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