You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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