We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize