Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
